Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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