I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
