It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
