Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
