A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
