I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
