Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
