Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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