dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
