I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
