Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
