Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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