Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have already put on my inside pants.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize