My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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