it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
