and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
