hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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