ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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