I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
