Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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