she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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