Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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