He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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