Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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