Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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