So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
