i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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