he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
