Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize