I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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