Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
