i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize