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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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