I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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