omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize