Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
