You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
