Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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