I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
3pm strippers are depressing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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