so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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