I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
