Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
