Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i dont even know how to be here
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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