Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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