Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
