I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I want a musical about memes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
