my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
