Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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