I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
