Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
