2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
