Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
