Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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