PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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