He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
