Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
