OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
