Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
