Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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