How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
