dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
