Who did Billy Mays play for?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize