I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i believe in u and ur pee
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