GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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