he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
