Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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