Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
