NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
