im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
