I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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